I HATE the New Guy!

"I HATE the New Guy!"

My Job Here is Done™ Transcript (for general use only – machine-generated and it may not be accurate)

Dave (00:00) On this episode of My Job Here is done. We break down…

Kelli (00:03) Do you want to put in the My Job Here Is Done? Don't they already know that?

Dave (00:08) I guess I could leave it off.

Kelli (00:10) Okay. I think it will sound better.

Dave (00:11) Okay. On this episode, we break down that awful feeling you get when you realize you just don't like the new guy…

Kelli (00:21) A feeling?  I think I would say something like how you feel about the new guy.

Dave (00:25) Because that's more grammatically correct or that's just the way you want it?

Kelli (00:31) Okay. I don't mean to stress you out. I'm just trying to help.

Dave (00:33) All right - don't worry. Why don't you do it then?

Kelli (00:36) Okay. Cool. Ready?

Dave (00:38) Yeah.

Kelli (00:39) On this episode of My Job Here is done. We break down how you feel when you realize you hate the new guy, that person who may always interrupt or sounds like they know it all. You know what I'm talking about?

Dave (00:51) I know exactly what you're talking about.

Intro (00:55) Hi. I'm Dave and I'm Kelli and this is mM Job Here Is Done. If you really want that next promotion or you're a rising star entrepreneur, we have some stories to tell that will absolutely help you. I've been starting and running businesses all my life. And I've worked for the Man like a dog for decades. Together we'll share stories, ideas and notions that will help you absolutely soar past that cruiser sitting next to. And if you're grinding forward with your growing business, we know where the landmines are. Let's find them. Hey, it's only about 20 minutes. What do you have to lose? Nothing or everything.

Dave (01:41) Thanks for joining us today. I'm Dave

Kelli (01:43) and I'm Kelli. And welcome to My Job Here Is Done. Just a quick reminder that you can learn more about the podcast, listen to all the previous episodes, read our bonus blog material, and interact with us at our website, Myjobhereisdone.com, and on Twitter at myjobpodcast.

Dave (02:01) Hey new guy! Welcome to the program. This is the one about how everybody occasionally wonders - Is there something wrong with me? You might have this feeling for a while when you couldn't understand why you were passed up for that last promotion. Or you may be the one that's not invited to the discussion or planning groups in your business.

Kelli (02:22) Maybe in the days when we were in the office, you were the only one at the water cooler.

Dave (02:26) Yeah, it's awkward to have a water cooler discussion with ourselves.

Kelli (02:30) Not fun.

Dave (02:31) You think to yourself, could it be me? Is it the impression I give off? Am I saying things or doing things that are putting people off? How about you ever wonder what's wrong with me?

Kelli (02:43) I've actually wondered that for a very long time about you or me, about you.

Dave (02:49) I think everybody has thought about that and pondered, wondered, assessed likely with no real action.

Kelli (02:56) That wonderment can occur at logical times.

Dave (02:59) Like after you had a debate with somebody and you get the feeling like you lost or when people around you become visibly unhappy when you say things, and that happens more often than it seems like it should.

Kelli (03:11) Or you walk into a room and feel like the whole mood changes.

Dave (03:15) Oh, I have seen that happen so many times. Another time you could be sort of wondering is on days where you just feel lousy about yourself and just sitting there thinking what's going on.

Kelli (03:26) You're already down on yourself. 

Dave (03:28) Right. So the question is, can you troubleshoot yourself? Can you kind of figure this out?

Kelli (03:35) You're actually the only one that can do that ,the only one that can troubleshoot themselves. 

Dave (03:39) So we'll discuss what we mean by a character flaw in a minute. But we're looking right now at the opportunities that present themselves, where you can actually do something about a character flaw, because sometimes you know what that flaw is, and you just can't one day wake up and change it, or everybody will go into shock and awe. There are certain times in your life, and they're few and far between, where you can actually pick that time, make a change and have a lasting impression as you move through your career.

Kelli (04:11) So there are natural breaking points that you have in your current job.

Dave (04:15) What are some of them?

Kelli (04:17) Work related events, like starting a new position or transferring to a different Department.  Those are both opportunities that present themselves in your current job where you can make some positive changes.

Dave (04:29) It's actually perfect timing because you're leaving a work situation behind you where you may have had that kind of odd impression with people because of a character flaw.

Kelli (04:37) It won't follow you now unless you choose to drag it along.

Dave (04:41) Right. And you don't want to do that.

Kelli (04:43) So you may be thinking to yourself, but I'm the boss now. I don't need people to like me.

Dave (04:48) Yeah. Because now you're promoted into a new position, you're going to be the boss and you've read in books or you've seen on YouTube or whatever all of this stuff about, Oh, you don't have to like me. You have to respect me. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Kelli (05:01) Like, I don't care if people like me. This is not a personality contest. I'm their manager, and all I need is for them to respect me.

Dave (05:08) And I call bullshit on that. That's too Boolean and it's bad advice. You can be both respected and liked. Strive for that. There is a sweet spot.

Kelli (05:19) There's balance between like and success. Remember, managers get fired by employees, not their boss.

Dave (05:25) Yeah. And that's a really important part here to remember, because if you're not liked, if you're not welcomed, you can be respected and still not liked. In other words, you can earn the respect of your employees as a manager without being their best friend. But you want them to want to engage with you and you want them to say nice things about you. What about Jane? Well, I respect her, right? That's just not how it works. Oh, Jane. Yeah. I have a lot of respect for her.

Dave (05:55) She's a great boss and she really knows how to get along with us. Or she's a great boss, and she understands what we're going through, right?

Kelli (06:05) That's a whole different thing.

Dave (06:07) One thing is for sure. People leave bad leaders, not necessarily bad companies and there are bad companies out there. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about the impression you make as a leader, how people see that impression and how they put all of those inputs together to come up with an impression of you, and you want it to be a combination of respect and like.

Kelli (06:29) So those are natural breaking points in your current job, like changing your position or going to a different Department. But what about in your career? What if you're laid off or unemployed?

Dave (06:39) Yeah. Another great opportunity to make a positive change. You're in a position unfortunately, where you have time to reflect and maybe work through some things that have been on your list for a while before you start that next job. And oftentimes people don't use that downtime to do something for themself.

Kelli (06:57) Here's another one. You accept a job at a different organization, no one knows you. So this is the perfect time to fix that problem.

Dave (07:04) Yeah, we're going to talk about that problem in a minute because what Kelli just said, that problem is really the crux of what we're trying to get at today.

Kelli (07:13) And another natural breaking point in your life is a lifechanging event - marriage, divorce, birth of a child, death.

Dave (07:21) Many people naturally reflect after these types of events. So why not take advantage of the life change and make a you change, too? Okay. So we've just identified three natural breakpoints, and there's no real shock and awe moment, and it gives you really the opportunity to reset the circuit breaker and start new.

Kelli (07:42) So let's define some things first. What we're not talking about. We're not talking about reinvention, self-improvement, a clean slate, or becoming a better version of yourself. None of that.  You are who you are. One of my favorite quotes is “Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.” That kind of explains it for me.

Dave (08:03) Yeah, all of those things are bigger picture. You can work on that every single day. You don't need to have a Breakpoint to do any of that.

Kelli (08:11) Yeah, that's all self-help things. You can do that at any time.

Dave (08:15) We're talking about taking advantage of a specific moment in time where you can make a meaningful difference in a character flaw. But be careful. Don't create a fake image that you can't stick with long term, because it's just not who you are at your core.

Kelli (08:31) You don't want to appear to be a completely different person.

Dave (08:33) Yeah, like Clark Kent jumping into the phone booth and then coming out as Superman, right? That is not what you're looking for.

Kelli (08:47) And don't try to emulate your hero.

Dave (08:49) Oh, my God. This is the biggest pet peeve that I've got. When it comes to this, everybody thinks to themselves. Well, not everybody, but many people will say, you know, I read the Steve Jobs book, and I want to be just like Steve Jobs. That's just not in the cards.

Kelli (09:03) You're not going to be like Steve Jobs.

Dave (09:06) Yeah, be you. You're not going to be Bill Gates. You're not going to be Elon Musk. Although, damn it, I would love to be Elon Musk.

Kelli (09:11) I want to be Elon Musk.

Dave (09:14) You can't because I've called dibs on being Elon Musk.

Kelli (09:17) Okay

Dave (09:17) I mean, out of everybody in the world, if I was going to be anybody, I would want to be Elon Musk.

Kelli (09:23) So what we are talking about is picking one thing to work on when the opportunity presents itself.

Dave (09:29) One thing, not two, not five. One thing. We all have a personal FUBAR or SNAFU in us.

Kelli (09:37) FUBAR? What are we talking about? FUBAR.

Dave (09:42) Do you know what FUBAR means?

Kelli (09:43) No. I've never heard of FUBAR.

Dave (09:45) You're kidding me. Everybody's heard of FUBAR.

Kelli (09:47) Okay, everybody but me. Go ahead.

Dave (09:49) Okay. FUBAR is (put the fingers in the kids) ears fucked up beyond all recognition. It's like a saying. Oh, that's all FUBARRED up.

Kelli (10:01) Oh, okay.

Dave (10:01) So, I mean, maybe you can have your own personal FUBAR is kind of what I'm relating to.

Kelli (10:06) Right? I get it. Okay.

Dave (10:07) Are we going to keep this in?

Kelli (10:08) Are we going to keep this in the podcast?

Dave (10:10) I don't know.

Kelli (10:12) So FUBAR.

Dave (10:13) So FUBAR Or SNAFU. SNAFU is, situation normal, all fucked up. And I think these were both like military terms at some point in time, but they're used widely. I really don't know how you've never heard of that.

Kelli (10:27) I've heard of SNAFU.

Dave (10:28) But you never heard of FUBAR?

Kelli (10:29) No.

Dave (10:29) Okay, so those are what the acronyms really stand for. You can have your own personal FUBAR or your own personal SNAFU, like we could redefine what the acronym means.

Kelli (10:40) Okay, like FUBAR and that's F-U-B-A-R, right? Yeah. So Fix Up Bad Attitudes Rghtnow. We'll make right now one word, right?

Dave (10:52) Or Find Ur Broken Attribute and Ur would be with a U. Okay. Do you have anything for SNAFU I got one. Some Numbskulls Act Fucking Unimpressively.

Kelli (11:07) Stop ‘Nnoying All Friends U

Dave (11:10) Forget Untested Bad Ass Resolutions.

Kelli (11:15) Okay, stop.

Dave (11:15) All right. How can you identify that one Snafu or FUBAR, whichever you want to call it, that you want to change. I think there are three ways.

Kelli (11:26) Number one, you can self-reflect on your past and change things you are already aware of that need work.

Dave (11:33) And I guarantee you, if you sit back and think about it, even though, we're going to give you two other ideas on how to collect these FUBARs, this is likely the one that's going to be the trigger because you know what's wrong with you.

Kelli (11:47) I don't know anyone who hasn't, in the Privacy of their own mind, questioned their own self, their personality, work ethic, things like that.

Dave (11:55) Exactly. Think about the conflicts you've experienced. Is there any kind of a common theme? Could issues have been avoided if you handled them differently? You know what those issues are. You remember them because you left those situations thinking to yourself, that didn't feel right or something didn't go right or it didn't go my way. Or I wish I wouldn't have X.

Kelli (12:16) And I would focus on this particular option to self-reflect on things that you are already aware of because you know what you need to change. For example, maybe you fabricate things.

Dave (12:28) You mean lie.

Kelli (12:29) Yeah, I'm trying to be nice.

Dave (12:30) Don't be nice. You lie, and you use it as a tool to get what you want. You use it in a nefarious fashion.

Kelli (12:39) Maybe you're a self-proclaimed person that has no filter. That person that prefaces the negative thing that's about to fly out of their mouth directed towards you with, Oh, by the way, I have no filter.

Dave (12:54) I'm just going to say what I want because I have no filter.

Kelli (12:56) Here it comes.

Dave (12:57) I have no filter.

Kelli (12:58) It's fine, because I already said I have no filter.

Dave (13:00) So I'm going to apologize in advance for being a jerk.

Kelli (13:03) Or maybe you make inflammatory remarks, purposely create conflict.

Dave (13:07) I had an owner of a company that I work for that enjoyed creating conflict. So that literally, he could watch from the bleachers as the people fought it out and then sit back and enjoy the show.

Kelli (13:21) Or maybe you're afflicted with Dunning Kruger syndrome. Remember when we talked about this in our episode? “Looky, here, it's Dunning Kruger”?  And we mentioned that you can't fix someone with this behavior.

Dave (13:31) But you can self-diagnose Dunning Kruger to help yourself. And we believe that you can reverse the Dunning Kruger effect. If you'd like to learn more about Dunning Kruger, that episode is a fun one to listen to. Number two…

Kelli (13:46) You can also ask other people who know you well for their honest feedback.

Dave (13:50) And sometimes you'll get honest feedback. And sometimes it'll be a little sugarcoated because people don't like to hurt other people's feelings. 

Kelli (13:56) But if you hear the same feedback from a lot of different sources, like from your colleagues and friends and family members, then you should take that to heart. Maybe you hear, “hey, you know what? You always have to have the last word.” You may want to work on that one.

Dave (14:12) And last, but not least, number three.  You can act on feedback that was shared with you in the past. You've probably ignored it. You've ignored what your mother told you about messy rooms and talking about too much at the dinner table. Those have probably all transferred into your life somehow. And maybe now, as you try to move your career forward, it's the time to work on those.

Kelli (14:32) Stop fooling yourself, you know it.

Dave (14:34) We've identified the fact that there is one FUBAR in your life that you would like to change and we've identified three times where it makes sense to kind of use it as a logical Breakpoint. We've also decided that it's not self-improvement. It's not self-help. I mean, you're actually fixing a FUBAR or a SNAFU. You're only going to pick one, and it could have come from you realizing it and now taking action, it could have come from your friends or family telling you about it.

Dave (15:05) Or you may have searched in the past to see if you could come up with something that happened before that gives you a clue that you ignored. Now that we've got that out of the way, how do we initiate this change once you've identified this? And how do you always remind yourself so you don't forget going forward?

Kelli (15:21) We're not able to tell you how to actually make whatever change you choose, since that will be unique to your scenario. So how can you remind yourself to always be conscious of your plan and not to fall off the wagon, so to speak?

Dave (15:35) The one thing you don't want to do is you don't want to do something like a swear jar or a rubber band snap because each of those examples actually reward you if you fail. This is not a reward.

Kelli (15:48) Your reminder is to change your behavior, right? You want to change your behavior, you don't want to continually be revisiting it.

Dave (15:55) Yeah, you don't want to keep score on this. You want the score to be you one it zero.

Kelli (16:00) You don't want to do the SNAFU again. You're not going back there. So here are some tips.

Dave (16:04) Think about driving in the morning when it's not even a thing anymore driving in the morning.

Kelli (16:09) Or maybe before you put on your Zoom shirt for the day.

Dave (16:12) And I have three of those. Or maybe when you have your first morning cup of coffee, or maybe you're a consistent morning pooper. Say this out loud. Whatever it is you're trying to correct, I am not going to lie today, or I will not cut off another person who is speaking.

Kelli (16:33) Or I will greet everyone I see with a smile.

Dave (16:35) Or I will not cut off another person who is speaking before me today.

Kelli (16:41) Or if you eat lunch at the same time every day. And if not, maybe just set an alarm, ask yourself, did I fail today? If so, identify when you failed and what may have triggered it.

Dave (16:52) And don't forget to congratulate yourself at the end of the day. That's really important. You're making a huge change. This is the start. I am not perfect. Kelli is, you and I are not.

Kelli (17:04) We're all wired the way we are, and there are always a few Cross wired parts. Sometimes those Cross wired parts are in your attitude towards others, maybe in your own ego or the way you communicate and interact. You likely know exactly what you'd like to change, but you resist for some reason. And usually that reason is that it's not the right time to make a visible or palpable change. Take advantage of those few times when you do have that opportunity and work on just one thing. 

Kelli (17:33) The big thing you've always wished you could change. Let it happen, be determined. And soon the people around you are going to let you know you did a great job.

Dave (17:41) Thank you very much for listening today. 

Kelli (17:46) Did I interrupt?

Dave (17:48) Can I ask a favor if you like our podcast.

Kelli (17:51) Please tell a friend, just one friend or colleague.

Dave (17:55) That you think would enjoy the content and stories we share

Kelli (17:59) We like five-star reviews.

Dave (18:00) We sure do. And comments are a big help as we grow our audience.

Kelli (18:04) Listen to My Job Here Is Done anywhere and everywhere…

Dave (18:07) … podcasts are available and for all the latest info and especially how you can work with us.

Kelli (18:13) Check out our website.

Dave (18:14) It's easy. Okay. Do you want to do this together or what?

Kelli (18:17) Yeah, we're doing it together.

Dave (18:18) All right, here we go. On three, two, one

Kelli (18:22) My obhereisdone.com.

Dave (18:25) Yeah, I wasn't going to do it with you. I'm the nice one.

Kelli (18:31) Not.

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