Work:Life Balance? I'm NOT in the Mood!

"Work-Life Balance? I'm NOT in the Mood!"

My Job Here is Done™ Transcript (for general use only – machine-generated and it may not be accurate.) 

Language Disclaimer (00:00) This episode contains colorful language which may not be appropriate in all situations. Shh. Turn it down a bit.

Kelli (00:08) Is that a slide rule?

Dave (00:10) Yeah, it is indeed a slide rule.

Kelli (00:12) I haven't seen a slide rule in decades. Do you know, use it?

Dave (00:16) A little - My dad taught me a long time ago. And hey, Internet land. If you don't know what a slide rule is, Google it. It is literally the calculator that was used to do all of the math that got us to rocket to, and land on the moon.

Kelli (00:30) Okay, while you were playing with your ancient abacus, I've been working on our work-life balance podcast ... What's wrong?

Dave (00:38) The math doesn't work. No matter how I try, the math doesn't work!

Kelli (00:43) On what?

Dave (00:45) On work-life balance. I can't find a way to balance the two. It's just not possible. There's just no formula for work-life balance. I am absolutely, positively sick of it.

Kelli (00:57) Well, I can see you're not in the right mood for this podcast.

Dave (01:00) Wait, mood?

Kelli (01:02) Yes. Work life balance doesn't compute because you're caught using a bad equation and you're not in the right mood to solve it.

Dave (01:11) Hi, I'm Dave, and I've been starting and running businesses all my life. And I'm Kelly, working for the man like a dog for decades. And you are YOU! The driven career professional, clawing your way up the ladder of success. Maybe running your own business. The next 20 minutes or so is just for you.

Chuck Fresh (01:30) Welcome to my job here is done.

Dave (01:36) Welcome, you career ladder climber. We're happy you're here. I'm Dave, apparently trying to get into a mood that'll make Kelly happy. So before we get started with our work-life balance math problem, please consider subscribing or following us on your favorite podcast app so you don't miss any new episodes

Kelli (01:56) and you can interact with us directly at our website myjobheartun.com, and on social media at myjobpodcast.

Dave (02:03) So back to my work-life balance problem. And that's where my slide rule problem earlier had me so frustrated. If you look at work-life balance in the mathematical sense, like spend more hours on life, less on work, the math in that equation fails miserably. And I'll give you the glaring example in a moment. Kelli recently had an event she put together and I came along. It was an evening of celebration for the customers she serves.

Kelli (02:32) I love project managing this event, but it's a huge undertaking.

Dave (02:36) Yeah, set up that evening, Kelli, in the context of work-life balance.

Kelli (02:41) Well, I plan this event for many months, but I know that the month and a half before the event date is jampacked with planning and details to make it all come together.

Dave (02:51) Yeah. Kelly knows she's not going on vacation in that month and a half. So is her employer at fault because she can't go on vacation then? Are they failing her from the work life balance perspective?

Kelli (03:05) Absolutely not. I knew that I would have busy times and events going into this position, and I was fine with that or I would have looked for a different type of job. If you know your job has busy times where you're working more hours a day or week than usual, then you plan to take your time off around those times as best you can. And I can tell you, you appreciate that well deserved time off once you come out on the other side of those crazy busy periods.

Dave (03:32) Yeah. A large part of good work-life balance is or shouldn't be controlled by the employee. As managers and leaders, we just have to enable this.

Kelli (03:42) And for me, part of successfully getting through the busy times is planning for them. I try to set myself up for success by planning as much ahead of time as possible to take some of the pressure off.

Dave (03:54) Well, back to the event Kelly planned. At the end of the evening, there was a charge to the graduates. Recall that's an inspirational message, usually told by a respected individual design to charge you up, get you excited, and set the stage for the next ladder rung in your advancing career.

Kelli (04:11) Yeah. And you don't often know what to expect from the person doing the charge. In this case, a very well-respected leader who's also a great speaker was introduced. And after the applause ended, he started off the charge with, I want to ask each and every one of you not to attempt to find work-life balance as you move ahead. Hello.

Dave (04:33) Yeah.

Kelli (04:34) See what I mean by you never know. He went on to say that the math of work-life balance doesn't work, has never worked, and will never work. The audience was mesmerized, and some of the people were a bit uncomfortable with that opening message.

Dave (04:49) Kelli bet I know I was. I was thinking, what good could possibly come out of this that was charge worthy and inspirational?

Kelli (04:57) Well, it was quite a charge, both inspirational and thought-provoking. It really made me think about work-life balance and what it really means. It put me in a good mood.

Dave (05:08) Well, here's the work-life balance math problem. Get out your pencils and papers or your slide rule or your habitat. You only have 168 hours in a week to fit everything you do in life. Out of that 168 hours, you will, on average, sleep 56 hours of them and you will work, on average, 48 hours.

Kelli (05:32) I wish I worked only 48 hours some weeks.

Dave (05:36) Yeah, I get it. Most people do. So if you look at the math now, you only have about 64 hours left in the week. You have to add in all of the other necessary hours that enable us to live. You have your commute time, errand time, chore time, and personal hygiene time. It takes time to take a shower, eating time. And let's be conservative and say that only takes up about 20 hours a week. Or a little less than 3 hours a day on average to do all of that.

Kelli (06:08) Okay, that sounds about right.

Dave (06:11) Now you've used up a whopping 125 of the 168 hours just to make yourself ready to be able to work and then to actually work.

Kelli (06:24) That's 75% of your total available hours that are dedicated to work or work, enabling activities that leave you with only 25% of your time available for life's pleasures. Those things you choose to do with friends or family, or just yourself that will go towards something other than work.

Dave (06:43) See if you think of work-life balance as some formula to add more hours to the life side and that's what you think is important, then for most people, the math does not work. You spend 75% of your time preparing for and doing work. That brings you an income and you only have 25% of your time available to do everything else in life.

Kelli (07:09) There is no work-life balance possible by using hours in a day to find that elusive balance. And there's something even more sinister in these numbers. If you look at 75% work and 25% life, you unfairly vilify work. You make work the enemy of life, and work is not your enemy. Work enables life. In many cases, employers are being held hostage to the problem of work-life balance. And it's totally unfair.

Dave (07:37) You're right.

Kelli (07:38) You can't expect to suddenly redesign your job just because you no longer like the requirements you originally signed up for.

Dave (07:45) Yeah, and if you're hired, for instance, in retail sales, you knew that the holiday season was going to be your busy and most stressful time. I don't expect to go on PTO in December. You're not going even if the kids are home from school. You knew that going in. That is not an example of an employer creating a work-life balance problem.

Kelli (08:07) Right. Are employers responsible for your work-life balance? We generally say no, not entirely. At least in the end, you are responsible for whatever you define as work-life balance. Yes, employers can help. And should we have a few suggestions for leadership later. But in the end, this problem of work-life balance is usually not associated primarily with work.

Dave (08:32) Before we go on, let's deal with some extremes. Are there toxic, bad, rotten, unfair employers out there that can be the primary source of a bad work-life balance? Oh, yes, there can be, but they are few and far between. Can you identify them before you take a job? In the vast majority of cases, the answer is yes. Tools like Glassdoor, Fairy God, Boss Vault, and Career Bliss all of which are linked in the show notes allow you to do some macro research on a company. If you see more than a small percentage of comments that complain about working conditions, a bad culture, a CEO or owner with a bad rap, then yes, that company may make it very hard for you to adopt your personal work-life balance. Mood.

Kelli (09:23) I hear the Internet asking mood.

Dave (09:26) Yes, mood. But if we toss out the bad employers and focus on the average employers, the vast majority all over the world, those businesses or companies that have at least a high average employee rating, working there should just be great and allow you to have the flexibility you need to achieve a good work-life.

Kelli (09:48) Balanced Mood And up until now, we focused on the work interfering with life balance. But that's not the whole story. Many times more often than you would imagine, employers and leaders deal with employees bringing life challenges into work and creating a disruptive life, interfering with work balance.

Dave (10:08) And this interferes with everyone's productivity and mood, not just you. If you're the one with the out-of-balance life issue, it's tough.

Kelli (10:16) When you have problems at home, for example, raising kids can be a huge challenge. One year, everything's rosy the next, you can't imagine what got into them. This affects you 24 hours a day and you end up bringing that to work. You're less productive because you're distracted. You don't feel as energized to put in the effort, and it shows. Most people won't ask you what's wrong.

Dave (10:37) But they would never ask it from that.

Kelli (10:41) You're clear of that. If you don't change, if you don't recalibrate and balance out, you'll lose your job and it's not the employer's fault.

Dave (10:49) If you recall our math from earlier, 75% of all of your available hours during the week are spent preparing for and going to work. You need to do this to survive. Most people have no other choice, but now may be the time you need to change your mood so you can cope with it. The balance you get comes from how you feel and deal with the situations in both work and life. It actually doesn't change the math.

Kelli (11:19) Let's look at how to make work-life balance by forgetting about the math and hours and instead concentrate on how we can cope and thrive by changing our mood.

Dave (11:29) Let's quickly review mood since it's the star of the show today. Like in good mood, a bad mood, rotten mood like Kelly's in most of the time, I am not. It's a temporary state of mind, a feeling you have at the time. And best of all, you can influence your mood.

Kelli (11:48) Just a side note. I'm a joy to be around. Always in a wonderful mood. Side note, Dave, you're in a good mood right now. What can I do to change that?

Dave (11:58) Easy. Start laughing like you are in the middle of saying something like you always do. Bang your hand on the mic.

Kelli (12:04) What do you mean?

Dave (12:07) Pop a P or two? Let me take a little extra time to edit all of that out of the show today. And you'll see my mood change. Fast, girl.

Kelli (12:14) Oh, he likes me. I do a mood can change by you taking some action. It can change by the way you allow your brain to think about something.

Dave (12:22) Yeah. So give me an example. I hate bad drivers. I know nobody else out there hates them, and forever I hate them. When I'm encountering them, I always get into a bad mood. You know the idiot that stops at the yield sign when no one else is coming? That numb skull doing 40 in the left-hand lane of the highway and won't move over? And then, of course, Blinker Bob.

Kelli (12:49) That's my favorite.

Dave (12:50) You know the guy who drives with this turn signal on for miles?

Kelli (12:54) Yeah. Jeez, dude, anything else troubling you?

Dave (12:57) I could go on and on. But the point is, no matter how good I feel, when I started the drive, I let these little really inconsequential nits affect my entire mood. And I decided I'm not going to let that bother me anymore.

Kelli (13:11) Good for you.

Dave (13:11) I've been practicing this new kind of tolerance for about a month now, and surprisingly, I find myself actually not thinking about it much. I used to say, Dave. Well, I never said Dave.

Kelli (13:23) Do you call yourself something else by another name?

Dave (13:25) Yeah. King. Yes. There's a dip shit in front of you. Relax. It's not life or death. Just forget about it and drive. And after a little practice, I'm now saying to myself, what's wrong with me? A month ago, I would have been on the Horn with this guy screaming a mixture of bad words and barnyard animals together at this clown.

Kelli (13:46) Oh, I've been in the car with him. You wouldn't believe the creative bad word. And bar yard animals he can come up with as a result of his whack car. Life Balance Mood issue.

Dave (13:56) I changed my mood for the better, and now I tolerate something I used to get very aggravated over. I enjoy driving because now I rarely get annoyed. I just don't let it happen. All I did was to change my mood. And if you think about it all.

Kelli (14:13) Work-life balance is a mood you feel and a good work-life mood balance is totally under your control if you adopt our definition of it.

Dave (14:23) The My job here is done definition of work-life balance is this. It's the mood you're in when you don't think about work-life balance.

Kelli (14:32) Awesome.

Dave (14:34) We've proven work-life balance is not a formula you follow or a calculation you strive to achieve. It's simply a neutral to slightly pleasant mood or feeling that you can sense when you combine your work time and your lifetime together.

Kelli (14:49) And that mood is up to you to create control or change.

Dave (14:52) Do you get mad, like, pissed off? Do you ever think about what triggers that? Well, I know what the answer is. You trigger it. Everyone has said something like, Kelly, how do you remain in such a calm mood under all this pressure? Or King. I literally chuckle when I say that. Or Dave, why is everyone in a bad mood about a delay on the bonuses this year except you?

Kelli (15:22) It comes down to what we let bother us and what triggers we allow ourselves to fall for. That can change our mood. And since we can change our mood, why shouldn't we do it to make our work and life balance better?

Dave (15:33) Exactly. The term work-life balance is just a convenient way to say I'm not in the right mood to handle work today or I'm not in the right mood to handle life at the moment, absent a toxic workplace or unfortunately. And we hope this is never the case with anybody. A home Life work-life balance is all about your frame of mind, the mood you're in.

Kelli (15:55) Here's proof you quit a job you hate. You're in your first month at your new job and someone asks you how's it going? You say, Great, I'm in such a better mood here, right?

Dave (16:05) Or you're asked, Is the new job easier than the last? And the answer often is it's kind of different. Everybody is always friendly and helpful. Still a lot of work, but it feels so much better here. Feels better, friendly, better mood. That doesn't sound like work to me. Same math equation, same 75% work, 25% life at the new job, but the mood is better. Let's put this to work for us.

Kelli (16:36) We suggest employers and leaders take a mood-altering approach to their work-life balance program.

Dave (16:42) Everybody on LSD.

Kelli (16:44) Not that kind of while having visible things to offer employees that make it appear as you care about being in the work-life balance camp, your team can see through shallowness if you're not really invested. Here are a few examples. Some employers try to assess their effectiveness in work-life balance by pulling employees through surveys asking questions like, do you feel you can take PTO when you want or need to?

Dave (17:10) Oh, stop. The answer to that is, of course, I can't. I have responsibilities and I'm accountable before that's just a silly question.

Kelli (17:17) Or another fan favorite. Are you able to forget about work when you go home?

Dave (17:22) That's an S. What? Q. You can figure out the acronym. The answer to that question is, hey, idiot, asking that question. You have no idea where my personal priorities are. Maybe I have a shitty home life and all I want to do is think about work when I'm there.

Kelli (17:39) Don't think that's too unusual. Questions and surveys like that go to prove how out of touch some employers can be. Trust us. Employees see right through that boilerplate and wonder, do they even get it?

Dave (17:51) The point here is that both employees and employers are getting this work-life balance equation wrong. But with a little equation change, we can all work. To get it to add up, let's start with employers and the people who are leaders and managers to you all. First off, this is not your problem. You are grouped into an unfortunate category where workplaces, in general, are evil and not accountable and accommodating to the needs of your employees. Yes, there are a few of you out there and I've met you. But for the most part, as we mentioned earlier, you're running a good company.

Kelli (18:32) But you have to change a little because times they are a change in think of work-life balance as a mood you want to achieve rather than a goal set of facts and figures you measure. Forget the eNPS scores and the employee surveys for a bit and focus on what makes an employee happy and invigorated to perform their jobs well. After all, that's what you want, right?

Dave (18:53) Yes. And here are some real pro tips for your consideration. Smile training. Yes, smile training. I put that first on the list because it can instantly change a person's mood or the mood of a whole group. Get your leaders and managers together, ask them to crack a smile more often, and go into the business and talk to people. I literally wrote a policy on this and helped with training to leadership to make some smile training happen. It's not easy at first because there's a little bit of like, you want me to walk around smiling all day. Yeah. I kind of want you to smile more than you are right now. You start doing that around your employees and this pays off in the end.

Kelli (19:41) Oh, I know. And I've watched leaders and managers walk right past employees in the morning and never make eye contact, never say a word. What kind of mood do you think that projects to the employees?

Dave (19:51) Yeah, not a good one to your point.

Kelli (19:53) Even if they just cracked a smile, it would change the entire mood for the better.

Dave (19:57) And that's the real point. If you have uninspired employees that are often in a bad or unsettled mood, the thing that you need to do first is change the mood. What a difference it would make if the leader walked through that same hall that morning, Kelly with a smile and simply said, hey, morning, nice to see you again. As that person passed by people, I feel in a better mood just by saying that out loud. Hey, you. Thanks for listening.

Kelli (20:28) Next pro tip, you can change the mood by using the practice of random acts of kindness.

Dave (20:33) Oh, you're going to love this one.

Kelli (20:35) Billy Joel at his concerts does not sell the first row of seats. He sends his crew up to the worst seats in the house and randomly picks out fans and brings them right upfront. He knows they couldn't afford anything but the cheap seats, but a fan in row 600 is probably a devoted fan, more so than the rich people in row one.

Dave (20:54) And he's right. You can apply this at work. Here's an example. Just take a random employee to lunch with you as a leader right and let them talk. You'd be one surprised how much you'll learn, and two, you're going to change their mood or send people home early when you can randomly. That beats flex time because it's you, you and leadership that's making it all possible. It's a surprise, and it really changes the mood for the better. Not just for that person, but it spreads across the entire organization when they know stuff like this can happen.

Kelli (21:30) Here's another idea. Give people a few volunteering paid days off a year. Encourage getting involved in the community and support your volunteers with company pledges to the causes that are important to them. You create a caring mood by doing this.

Dave (21:44) And speaking of caring, hire an Ombudsman. Yes, and that's the person's title. Ombudsman. Ombudsman is a Swedish word meeting representative. You see it most often used in colleges but rarely in business, and the rarity of it makes it meaningful. And having an Ombudsman as a position is a cool new thing that really changes mood. It is not a replacement for HR. It's an augmentation.

Kelli (22:13) Many people who have been to college see the Ombudsmen as a trusted and balanced source to go to when they have a problem with practices, policies, even personalities. We suggest that employers either hire new or promote a good person from within to be the Embodiment for the company. We also believe that the Ombudsmen reports to the CEO or COO or other high-ranking executive, but not to HR. Keep this separate from HR. The Ombudsman will become a thing you do that screams you think about employees and work life balance issues differently. It's a mood changer.

Dave (22:47) And because we know that this is a new concept and it's not widely used yet, maybe it would help if we did a quick intro to our company Ombudsman. We'll put this in the description in the show notes as well, but here it is for your consideration. Pat is Acme's Ombudsman and reports directly to the CEO. The role of the Ombudsman and Acme is to have a totally confidential and impartial teammate available to anyone who has a deep concern about the organization. Concerns can be centered around a policy, a practice, or a person at any level in the business. The guarantee of the Ombudsman is confidentiality and approachability for all in an informal setting and as an advocate for fairness and equity. The only advice we have on when it's proper to use the Ombudsman over talking, say to your manager or HR first, is when you alone feel those other options are not your best choice. Think about this. The Ombudsman's role will change the mood for the better.

Kelli (23:52) We talked about how you as an employer or leader can affect the work-life equation for your business. So now let's talk about what you as an individual can do to change your mood for the better.

Dave (24:03) And it's not only an opportunity for you to change your mood, but a good mood is more contagious than the coronavirus. Spread it around.

Kelli (24:14) Consciously try to leave life's challenges at home and just concentrate on work during those 48 hours or so of the week that you're there.

Dave (24:21) Be a mentor to others, show a positive mood and help diffuse angst. If you see it occurring, never let yourself feed into that.

Kelli (24:29) Back away from negativity and negative people at work. Sadly, negativity is more contagious than a good mood. As a leader, it's a good idea to drive out negativity. That's a mood changer to the Max smile training. I'm smiling now.

Dave (24:45) I can see you.

Kelli (24:46) Can you see me? Yeah.

Dave (24:48) No matter what position you hold as you ascend the career ladder, smiling spreads a good feeling that lasts.

Kelli (24:56) Here's a good one on your way to work. Listen to a podcast that's inspiring or funny during your commute or one that's both like this one, maybe this one.

Dave (25:07) We think this is the bottom line. Thinking about work-life balance in the sense of each side mathematically equaling, the other does not and cannot add up.

Kelli (25:18) There are not enough extra hours in the week for a 50-50 balance and even if there were, that wouldn't fix the problem. The fix is to change the mood both at work and in life. Just to the point where you actually forget about consciously working on work-life balance when you get there and you can.

Dave (25:37) There is no such thing anymore as work-life balance. It's just you living your life and living your life in a great mood.

Kelli (25:47) Thank you very much for listening today. If you like our podcast, please tell a friend about us. Just one friend or colleague you think would enjoy the content and the stories we share.

Dave (25:56) You can listen to the My Job Here is Done podcast anywhere and Everywhere podcasts are available and check out our website for all the latest info on the show and how you can work with us at myjobhereisdone.com.

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